Parents' Let's Reflect!!!

A 10 year boy studying in Std 4 who is generally very vibrant and chirpy came to my room today. Surprisingly, he looked very listless and unhappy. He was also trying to hold back his tears. It seemed that he wanted to share something with me but was hesitant. I offered him a glass of water and gave him the choice to share his thoughts when he was comfortable.

After some deliberations, he shared that he was disappointed since he was not chosen to participate in the story telling session. His teacher had rejected him over the other three children in the selection round. He strongly felt that his story had a moral as per the requirements and that he also narrated the story with ‘good’ expressions. The boy was visibly upset and indignant at having been rejected in the elimination rounds. In his anxiety he spoke very fast and it took me some effort to understand what he wanted to convey.

In order to ease the situation, I asked him to narrate the story that was rejected. He willingly obliged and I appreciated his story, diction and expressions. I then asked his opinion about his ‘opponents’X, Y &Z. How had they fared? By now, he had regained a little bit of his original spirit. His eyes lit up and he said ‘Very good’

'So how many marks (out of 10) would YOU give them?'

He said he would give X and Y full marks (10/10) and Z would get 9/10.

'How many marks would you give yourself?'

He thought for a while and said 8/10. There was silence. I thought he was retrospecting.

Then he fumbled

‘I know they should have been selected, their stories were good and they said it well’ I’m OK with that but………….but what? I asked.

But my mother will be very angry…. He again thought for a while and said…she will be sad…she will feel v bad.

Why? I was taken aback. ….

Because she will say that I practiced so much but still I was not chosen. Why did I not say it well? She helped me to learn and my father selected the story. He will be VERY ANGRY.

All emotions had come back as he probably visualised the scene at home after he broke the 'sad' news. So what will you do? I asked? ‘I will not tell her that I am not chosen’ he replied promptly…in a tone indicating that that was the only obvious thing to do……. ‘I can’t tell her’ he reiterated shaking his head with lines of worry on his forehead.

But is that the right thing to do? I prodded. Instantly he said ‘No’ and shrugged his shoulders as if to say I know its not the best thing to do but do I have a choice?

It so happened that ultimately he did participate in the story telling session since they required one more student but I was left with a few thoughts.

1) Children can be very logical…when explained in a logical manner, they understand and accept even if the verdict is against them.
2) Children learn to speak lies in order to avoid unpleasent situations and continue to speak lies if they are successful in their venture.
3) Children do not want to disappoint their parents…..or do not want to face their criticisms or snide remarks for not meeting THEIR expectations or fulfilling THEIR desires.

All of us well meaning parents….We need to WAKE UP